HERD OF CATTLE?

“Yeah, I’ve heard of cattle.”

Or so the punch line of the joke goes. As I remember it.

What about a herd of worms? I heard of that too. In fact, we have taken up worm herding at our house. We bought a compost bin that works on worm power.

You put the food scraps in and the worms turn them into compost.

We are worm wranchers!

Much like real ranchers, we have to herd the worms. Initially, the two sides of the cedar box are empty. One side is filled with food scraps, shredded paper, compost and redworms. The other side is empty until the worms complete their work on the first side. With new materials on the empty side, the worms can migrate. Until that time, you have to herd the worms back to the starter side.

We lost a few head of worms during the first three days. The other strays I was able to move back to the working side. I thought about branding the little critters but they won’t get too far and the chance of rustlers coming through town is very slim. Besides, how do you know which end of the worm to brand?

BOGO and the grocery store

BOGO! or B1G1!

A marvelous marketing gimmick found mostly in grocery store aisles. Buy One! Get One! Buy one item and get an identical item for free. Two cans of chicken noodle soup for the price of one. Or, my favorite, buy one pork loin and get the second one free. Of course, the second one of the meat products is always the smaller size.

It is a good deal for the consumer, unless you do as I do and decide that by saving the money on the two items you now have money to spend on something else. The BOGO is a good deal for the retailer because they move product out the door and your money in the door.

There is a local area car dealer who has, in the past, run a BOGO on new cars. The ultimate loss leader deal. You get two very basic automobiles for the price of one. Not bad if you need two cars exactly alike.

My candidate for the world's best BOGO award is a merchant in Marysville, Washington. The merchant was in tune with the big Memorial Day weekend sales pitch. As we drove through town on 88th Street, we saw the perfect sign in the perfect location. With Old Glory waving in the gentle Sunday morning breeze, the sign stood out among the lush greenery on the property.

Memorial Day Sale!
This weekend only!
Two plots for the price of one!
Welcome to Marysville Cemetery.

OLD MAN AND THE POPE?

After a year and half, an appropriate amount of time given the age group I have been working with, I have changed jobs.

My friend Mike said that God dropped a helicopter in my front yard and I better get on it. I have. Today was the first day on the job as sacristan/sacramental assistant at our parish. Our current sacristan had resigned and the deacon asked my wife if I might be interested. The helicopter landed in the front yard and I got on.

No diapers to change, not one whine or the cheese to go with it, and a new commute to work (five minutes one way).

The pay is better than the daycare job. It would take me another two years working with the toddlers to get to the pay of the new job.

I will miss the kids but I was ready for a change. There is no way I will be greeted at church in the morning like I was at daycare. “Mr. Tom’s here!” Lots of hugs then, “Read a book!” and “Sit down! Sit Down!” and “Row, Row?”, all followed by more hugs. Just won’t happen with a bunch of adults. That experience with the kids will be hard to match.

That’s okay, though. On my way into the church office I met two of the parishioners who frequent daily Mass. Both of them said hello and then congratulated me on my new job. Just about as good as all the hugs from the little ones.

All I have to do now is live up to the expectations that people have of me in this new setting.

I have gone from taking care of babies to taking care of God’s flock and their churchgoing. This means I should change the title of my blog. My daughter came up with the original title and with the definitive replacement. Instead of “Old Man and the Poop” it should be called “Old Man and the Pope”. I don’t know what Benedict XVI thinks of the title but I like it.